Internal Combustion and Munching of Brains
by Cody Saoyrn
Summary: ONESHOT. In which gay tennis players from Seigaku, zombies, and Twinkies make an appearance. A collaboration fic that, frankly, ended up being sheer crack.


**Yuugiou: Internal Combustion and Munching of Brains**

_by Cody and Ame-ame (sentences in that order)_

A note from Cody: ...Brace yourself. We lost control of this thing the moment I wrote the first sentence. And another thing... Due to the fact that the two of us are of the yaoi fandom, there will be several references to the sexuality of the characters involved. Because it's FUN. Therefore, consider yourself warned. That being said...

I hope you enjoy this retina-scarring fanfic.

* * *

On the first day of school, Yuugi ran off the roof of a building.

Now, some people may think that this is a bad thing—but Seto Kaiba was not 'some people'.

He had remembered to bring his baseball bat, for one thing.

And, being Seto Kaiba, Yuugi's death meant more than one good thing.

But then Yuugi sprouted wings.

And Kaiba was sad, as now he couldn't steal Yuugi's title as Duel Master OR steal his boyfriend—DARNIT.

But there was one thing he could do, and that was take advantage of Yuugi's disappearance.

HE COULD PARTY.

He invited all of his bodyguards, because he had no friends.

The bodyguards all threw themselves off the roof, because they weren't his friends, either—AND DIDN'T WANT TO BE.

However, they did not sprout wings.

And Kaiba still had his baseball bat.

Which ensued in heads rolling.

Literally.

And then he played soccer with them.

"I HAVE FRIENDS—even if they are just the heads of people who hated me so much they didn't want to be my friends!"

He did this for a while, until he spontaneously combusted.

Jonouchi happened upon Kaiba's remains, and said "OMG KAIBA COMBUSTED NOW HE'LL NEVER LOVE ME!"

And what followed was not suitable for anybody's eyes.

And then Yuugi undisappeared—"JONOUCHI WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

And what followed was not suitable for anybody's eyes.

Kaiba un-died in the middle of it: "JONOUCHI I WANT TO EAT YOUR BRAINS."

So Jonouchi had his brains eaten, and zombie!Kaiba and Yuugi had mad rabid love.

Which was considerably uncomfortable for Yuugi.

So Yuugi bit off Kaiba's face.

And thought for a minute, contemplating its chicken-like flavor.

OMGSTFU.

He got bored and decided to go jump Yami, which was kind of hard considering Yami didn't have a body, so he found a time machine to make jumping Yami possible.

And he ended up killing off the entire Egyptian population with foreign bacteria.

Except for the cockroaches and possums.

And Twinkies.

BECAUSE TWINKIES ARE REALLY AN ANCIENT EVOLVED SPECIES—we just don't know it yet.

So Yuugi was left in Egypt, surrounded by cockroaches, possums, and Twinkies.

"HELP ME YAMI I HATE BUGSSSSSS!jhgkdjk"

Then the Twinkies ate him.

And Kaiba and Jou DIED AGAIN.

Which meant that they were now actually alive again.

Because of inversely proportional laws of physics and algorithms much too complex for our poor heroes.

And that meant that they decided to play tennis.

Because they had all just watched Prince of Tennis earlier, and had decided that they wanted to grow up to be gay tennis players, too!

So they began practicing Ryoma's Revenge Serve To The Face on each other.

And then Malik appeared, randomly molesting people like Momoshiro to add to the fun: he was on PROZAC.

As a result, they all decided to play doubles.

They all ended up on top of each other, tangled up in the net—and then got hit with the poles holding up the net and were transported to Mars.

Where Inui ground them up to become part of his Mystery Juice.

Which was served to Yuugi: "Mmm... Jonouchi flavored."

And then Yuugi realized he was dead.

And that people weren't supposed to know that he knew what 'Jou-flavored' was, anyway.

And what followed was not suitable for anybody's eyes.

AND THEN INUI ATE HIM JUST LIKE THOSE SPIDERS THAT EAT THEIR BOYFRIENDS.

And then, because he was alone on Mars, he ate himself.

And he combusted.

THE END.


End file.
